The Gray Manichean: Creative Writing Blog

I do it in stages, much like I have before.
As always, the main feeling is
Fear: reluctance is there, too—
Because I don’t want to lose the love of people
I hold dear
And the scariest and saddest thing
Is that it really does happen.
Sometimes; not usually,
But enough to give me
Pause

And there’s lots more we need to catch up on,
Anyway—the depression, the
Flailing
So I sort of sidle up to
The Point

It takes several emails,
If I do it by email.
I like chat a bit more, though
Because I can get quicker feedback
Frame by frame
So if the friend seems to be getting
antsy
I can veer off and
and
chicken out, is what it comes to.
God
Please don’t let me lose
any more friends
I don’t understand why
You brought us
together
Built up our love
Our Mutual Love
 but
Though we swore we’d
never lose affection—
It was proven to be
so fragile.

I don’t want to have that happen
ever    again

Please
Just because I’m pansexual
And I was, then, too—

And that’s the funny thing
It’s like I was lying to them
all along
Like if I’d revealed that
Years ago,
The love wouldn’t have sprung up
in that way
Which is cruel of You,
Because, You know,
You kept it a secret from me, too.

Then, from him:
.   All that I need to know
.   Is that you’re okay.
.   I’m here.

And still
I hesitate.

April 13, 2011

Cleopatrick